Adolescent France
France has recently turned against us, turned tail, and allied itself with the freakazoid Chancellor Schroeder (does he play the piano? Is his wife named Lucy? Inquiring minds and all).
Big Freaking Surprise.
France has always been an ally of convenience. France has only placed itself with us to be against someone else, since the beginning of time.
Initially, way back in the 1750s. France was an enemy, because we were in effect their enemy. We were English, and if there is one thing the French hate, it's the English. Ever since Agincourt, when the flower of French Nobility was left to rot in the sun and the mud, France has hated England and the English. St. Joan drove the English from France, but never French sensibility has never recovered from Agincourt. How could the 'superior' French army be bested, the asked themselves? Because they suck, answered the English.
It was onlt when we rose agianst the English that the French suddenly became our friends -- because they hated the English. Once they saw we could fight the English better than the French could, the French joined the party, trying to squeeze in a little English bashing of their own, and trying to end up on the winning side for once.
Well, we won, and the French hangers-on celebrated whilst dangling from our coattails. Not that the French weren't helpful. They were. They provided arms and men. We provided the guts and generalship. I suspect we would have won without the French, although this is not by any means certain. They provided tremendous aid. But they couldn't beat the British on their own just 25 years prior, so the value of their aid is hard to measure.
After the Revolution, the French hung tough with us becasue it still behooved them to do so -- since they had a common economic, and later military enemy, once again the British. We fought the British off in 1812-1814, again, without French help, but Britain was still the big dog, and France needed us as an ally against them, although more economically rather than militarily.
Time rolled on, and the British contemplated aiding the Confederacy, while the French hung with the United States as we devolved into Civil War. The South couldn't do enough to garner the support of the British, so we never had to call on teh French. But still they remained, since we were not on the friendliest terms with the British, and that benefitted France.
Eventually, the Germans united under Kaiser Wilhelm and brought the French and English to war. We remained allied with the French, and the improved relations that had come together over the last half century united us with the British. WE all fought the Hun, and eventually won. The French were now closer to being allied with teh British, but the presence of the Germans kept the French a little scared, and the wanted to stay on our side.
The Nazis came along and brought war back to Europe. We liberated France, and eliminated the German threat. The French no longer feared an incursion from the Germans, but the Soviet Threat loomed large and kept them on our side. Forty some odd years later, and the Soviets collapsed.
The French were left confused. They had no enemy to fear, no reason to hide behind our skirts. It's taken about ten years, but now they think they can cross the street themselves. To the French, there are no enemies -- the Arabs can be dealt with, the British are part of the EU, the Germans are now their allies, and the world is safe as far as they are concenred. Sure, there are some terrorists, but the ones in France are isolated and, well, they only pick on the Jews, so like the bully picking on the hairy geek instead of them, they really aren't a threat to France.
France is entering a political adolescence. They want to strike out on their own as a world power again, but are impotent to do so. No military to speak of, an ignored diplomatic corps, and the contempt of the greatest power on earth. Like an adolescent, they do the only thing they can do -- scream bloody murder and cry in their room at night.
"But Mom! I don't want to go to war!"
"But Dad! I don't want to eat your broccoli!"
"Mom! Germany's picking on me!
And after we drag them along for the ride to Iraq, and we win, and they discover that they enjoyed it... well, like a child, they'll talk about how tough they were to ride the big Mighty Mouse Roller Coaster, how brave they were on the Tilt-a-Whirl, and how mommy and daddy let them go on the big slide all by themselves.
They'll think they've done something special, when all they've done is what mommy and daddy wanted them to do.
